His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
