I think I won the penis lottery.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pants are for mortals
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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