Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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