i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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