did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
