i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
