After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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