I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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