this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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