Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are all done wearing pants today
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