Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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