Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
