you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize