I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I just sharted jello shots
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
