Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize