In America we eat man semen.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize