Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
