is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this will be a night to untag.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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