i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
