I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
