Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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