It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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