You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
