Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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