dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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