You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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