Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
