You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
