She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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