What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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