addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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