We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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