I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
