i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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