Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
