Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
