why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
