You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
