God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
