I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
