from now on my penis is your penis
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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