She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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