She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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