if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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