I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm going to jail i love you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
