No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
