I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
