I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
