Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
not ubering you a puppy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
