Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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