I like my sex mixed with concussions.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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