he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
