okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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