After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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