but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
