i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
