Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
