It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
