Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
