Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
