im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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