Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
