she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize