My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
