i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
