Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
