While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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