Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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