i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
