Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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