Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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