OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
